ophelia.

 It is starting to become more and more accurate, my taking the title of Ophelia. I'm so full of water, that when winter comes, parts of me become cold and freeze, and try to make it so hard for me to live.

It kills me to admit that I don't want to be alive right now. Ironic, I know, especially when I have so much to live for. I thought I could work through this, but it feels as if it were totally new, and I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to save myself from my own frost.

poem #1

 Don't swallow me, jack

There is frost numbing her fingertips and ice nipping at her nose
there is a lump in her throat and she whispers
"don't swallow me jack
 please, don't let them see what I already know."

white rabbit.

 I took my pills for the first time in months, and I can't help but be so fucking disappointed in myself. I thought I was better than this, I thought I could work through things without them. But, I need to be there for her. And I can't do that if I'm a fucking mess.. so down the hatch it goes.