Adventures in the Deep

 You know, this baby better be cute because I had to kill a fucking pony for it, and I still feel bad for taking an innocent life even though it was actually delicious.  :I It couldn't even defend itself, but the deer wasn't cutting it, it lacked something Baby needed. I apologized to that horse, even if it didn't understand what I was saying. I tried to keep the pain as minimal as possible, and for once, I did not eat its heart. There is no sport, no trophy to be won for taking a lamb to the slaughter. He was so big and beautiful too, easily 7 and a half feet tall.. I wonder if he was some kind of super horse. He didn't seem to be smarter, nor did he have the ability to talk. Sigh. At least Baby's sated. Earlier after I ate, she gave off the energetic equivalent of purring, it was preeeetty precious.

Thank god I got another vial of astral oil earlier. Mom was clearly annoyed I wanted to go to the shop, but I begged her, telling her that it was basically an emergency. I don't want to use too much mugwort before she's born, it just doesn't feel right, whereas the oil slips me Over There in no time. It's cheap shit too, 5 bucks for a few ounces, and it takes only a 4-6 drops to work its magic.

 Of course I can't find my astral travel oil once I get knocked up... looks like I'll be making a stop to Dragonmarsh for another.. because going without right now is not an option, and I'm too scared to regularly use mugwort, mom tries to throw it away as it is and I'm super scatter brained today and I already used it on Thursday.. and we're in a drought so I really shouldn't be taking a bath to travel... ugh.

At least I've got the basic blueprints for making the fetch. Now, to think about what traits I want.. best consult J though, of course. He knows I want to make one for Baby and thinks it's a wonderful idea.

 Baby is definitely growing, my phantom tummy is getting larger. I feel like part of me is literally stretching and growing. Baby wanted blood earlier, so I had to go hunting. I killed a rabbit and a deer caribou thing [it was female but had antlers?] and barely sated myself. I am worried about Baby's appetite growing, and me trying to keep up with it. I am going to try to eat lots of protein and iron rich things to curve cravings, otherwise I may have to feed on the local village's livestock if hunting gets slim. I feel seafood won't sate my hunger. That, or I may have to ask J to help me.

I am also concerned about creating a fetch for the baby. I want it to have an eternal guardian and friend, someone who will obey me and report to me. E has made one, and he is FANTASTIC, I adore him. I thought that this baby was going to be the awaited Imri, but now I don't, so I don't know what this baby's fetch will be.

Another.. anomaly about this pregnancy, is that it was, is an accident. J and I both want kids, but we didn't plan for this to happen. He's very upset over that. He really didn't think I was pregnant, he didn't believe me, but after the readings, after his father and Mother confirmed it, there isn't much more to say. I have a bit of a bump over there, and it's only bound to get bigger. I am worried about going into labor during school, or while I am walking home. This baby is a demi-god after all, we don't even know my heritage, except that my father is a god. Well, HE knows my father but I don't yet. I hope Father won't be mad. I think that's why J is upset, because he knows that this pregnancy will intervene with the plans father has for me, but the idea of giving the baby up is unacceptable, to say the least. Unthinkable honestly. I already love them and feel them growing inside me. I don't know if I'm ready to be a mother, but would I ever be?