A part of my heart breaks knowing my little family is going to be broken up. That he is leaving, that as much as I may try to comfort her, to hold her, to kiss her, that I will never replace him, I will never fill that void in her heart that will be there until the day she dies, until I lose them both. I don't want him to go, I've never lost someone I loved like him. I love my family, but not even J can cure this pain. This, is my true family; not one of blood, but one I found, all on my own. I know that, in the end, no one will be left behind, or forgotten.. but that doesn't mean I won't bleed. I need to be strong, for her, for even today is not a happy day for us. In two days, I will enter her life in full, and he will leave the same.
She already seems so happy I am coming, but I wonder if she really is. I doubt it. Her love for me cannot fill that void, it can dull the wound, take some of the pain, but even my arrangement is temporary... when I leave, I am afraid of her crashing. Afraid of it so much. How am I supposed to keep someone from drowning, when they've done it so many times before, but never this deep?