tarot deck.

 I'm worried that she's hiding things from me. That she isn't giving me the full context.. and I hate when she does that just to fuck around with me. Or when she teases. There's something about her teasing that rubs me the wrong way, and I don't think it's necessarily because it's bad or worse. I think it's just her energy, her vibe against mine. It causes friction, and I take things too seriously.. I'm like a child, I don't always understand when people are joking or kidding and I end up taking it seriously and invest emotional energy into it.. and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. It doesn't seem as bad with other people but I'm not sure. I just don't want to fuck up this friendship, I don't want my weird fuckness to negatively impact this. Sometimes I wonder if I have something like autism or asperger's, but I probably don't know enough about either of them to entertain the thought any more than I do. If I asked my mom about them, she'd think I was nuts, as in "Emma you're crazy, you DON'T have these things". I dunno. I half heartedly prefer the idea of having something, because then I have a label. Then I'm not just weird. I feel bad for that though, I'm old enough to know better. Pwah.