Knowing that I have to bring Imri into the world, and that because of him I'll have to stay in it until my natural death... it upsets me. It means I can't even think about suicide anymore, because my life isn't my own. It's my baby's too. But then again.. how could I ever leave my to be husband? There is no promise I will see him or Imri when I die, regardless of what I believe. I can't do that to my baby, I can't leave him alone or not bring him at all. He is so important. I already know that. I can't do that to him, I already love him too much. But I at least wish I had death as an option.
Maybe tonight I'll change my mind. It is the big day, after all. Sigh.