rumble cruck.

 Let's play the "how long can Emma go without eating before passing out or actually eating" game. Wheee. .-. At least I had a banana today, I didn't eat at all 'til dinner yesterday. I haven't told E, otherwise she'd whoop my ass. She's been distracted, I feel like there are things she isn't telling me.. but then again, there are things I'm not telling her. She knows she can tell me, at least. She's admitted it, just that she feels like talking about it won't help. I hope she's telling the truth when she says that. I mean, I'm telling the truth for the most part. She knows I've been having a rough time lately, esp at night. She just doesn't know what that entails. x.x

lemon aid.

 I'm pretty sure I'm sick. That's just great, real great.

Means I have to get better. But I really don't want to drink that airborne stuff... I used to hate the taste of it so much I'd gag and come close to puking. Fortunately they seem to have made it taste better, or so Mom says. I had some earlier and it was tolerable, esp when compared to the old stuff. Makes me think of my fucking father. He would make me sit there, and drink all of it. Even if I sat there for hours, or begged him beforehand not to make me. I preferred being sick over drinking it, but he made me and my stomach would be so upset afterwards. Ugh. He really was a dick.

I'm hoping I get better enough to see Avenue Q on Saturday, my friend Scott invited me. And my friend Axel wants to hang out on Sunday, and we legitimately haven't hung out at my place in about a year. I mean real hang out. We used to make brownies and watch Disney movies and cuddle some. It was therapeutic for us both. Energy wise he and I compliment each other, I feel like we had some history in a past life. My relationship with him is unlike any of my other friends, it's an almost animal like loyalty and love I feel for him. I've even laid on his bed like a dog and laid my head in his lap. He just accepts it. xD He's a chill guy, is all. He's really accepting of my beliefs too. We hung out during the family halloween party and I was able to talk hardcore woo to him and have it be taken seriously. It made me so happy. He's an atheist, but he finds my stance on things and the universe pretty solid and interesting. He supported me during the times of the leech, gave me the pep talk I needed to stand on my own and get rid of it. He's just a really good friend and I love him a lot. I hope I can get better before Sunday. Our chat at the party strengthened and reinforced our bond, and I feel like having that kind of day would only steady things further [not that we're unstable or anything, he just has a life and gets caught up in it, working and being in school and having moved and all].