shrouded figures: a [mostly] religious entry

There's a goddess that's been hanging on the sidelines. At least, they feel like a goddess so that is what I will refer to them as for now. Before I met J, I knew of her and called her "Momma". She hasn't gone, she's been here as I've had my shenanigans, my ups and downs and pushing him aways, my eventual succumbing. I want to do some investigating, to figure out who she is. So, today I had a reading done by a friend.

For who they are, we got Nine of Pentacles. I don't know much about card interpreting really -as I am not a tarot card reader- but I'm told that this card means contentment, wealth, abundance, and can pertain to sensual pleasure. So, I'm left to believe they are a fertility goddess.

For their personality traits/qualities, we got Reverse Nine of Pentacles and Eight of Wands. The first card's meant to represent a negative trait, the second positive. Funny enough, the first one was the only reversed one we got. My friend didn't have much to say on the first card, except that it meant the god was depressed, run down. For the Eight of Wands, it mentions swiftness, progress towards my goals, and a whirlwind romance... which I have NO idea on how to feel. I mean, I'm happy with J.. but admittedly I've been feeling kind of well, lesbianic. I dare not say anything to him -as I do enjoy our amorous activities- but I've been leaning more towards human women rather than men as of late. I don't know if I'd want to be romantically involved with two gods, especially if I work with one of them on a business level. That just seems so.. fluffy. Not to mention, I really enjoy him. He makes me feel whole. I don't know if I'm cut out for polyamory, it's already something that bugs me, thinking about how I will probably want to take a human mate or dally with humans while being with him. He's my forever, in the end, I don't know if I could give my heart to two gods. It's daunting. I hope it's just a misinterpretation, my friend giving the general details of what the card means, and that that whole bag of cats is something I won't have to worry about.

The fourth card refers to what they rule or have power over, and that card was the Five of Wands. I literally have no fucking idea what this means, my friend just gave me a message, confirming what I already knew, that these and what trivial times that lay ahead have significance, that they prepare me for what is coming further down the road.

For the last card, the Queen of Cups, it tells what the deity is associated with. We get motherly, maternal, but sensual at the same time, possibly linked with creativity, psychic ability, the unknown. I feel this card -along with the first- are the most relevant. More readings need to be done in order to discover further details on her identity. I hope I can find her soon. Then, I'll have 3 gods to work with. Wouldn't that be swell [no sarcasm intended]?


I have been interested in Aphrodite and Lilith, but I know this isn't Lilith and it doesn't seem like Aphrodite. I'm left to wonder if they are from a culture I'm not as familiar with, perhaps Welsh or Kemetic. God forbid they're from a closed culture; tumblr will have my ass if it's so. I try not to feel guilty, but if an entity from a supposedly closed culture approaches me and wants to work with me, I'm not going to say no solely because of the culture they're from. [I say supposed because I get really confused in a religious context as to which cultures are "okay" to worship from and which aren't, I need to do more research.]

In other news, I hate when people get offended by the dumbest things. I'm not referring to cultural appropriation or anything like that, this is completely different. But I'm talking to this gal who just got completely butthurt over her comment being ignored when someone was asking for advice.. and it just.. *facepalm* the person asking for advice didn't MEAN to ignore her, it's really obvious, and they apologized when this girl got upset, but now she's making a big deal over it because I said that her reaction was rude, and then she deleted her comments like a goddamned scumbag. I screen shotted it, just in case the admin of the group questions what's going on and the girl gets her panties in a bunch again. I mean, I really found it rude, she was making this person feel bad and they're really sweet, and goddamnit no one cares that you're in medical school, if you act like an actual middle schooler. Don't say you're professional, and then act the opposite. Besides, you could be going to school for fucking podiatry, doesn't mean you're going to know much about this person's specific issue... jesus fucking christ people are stupid. And rude. I slowly begin to understand the sentiment of just blowing up shit and taking out stupidheads. I never actually would, but with age I'm beginning to understand the villains of stories more and more, and that makes me sad. I like believing that there's good, that there are kind, intelligent people that brim with the thing that gives us all hope. They're still out there, I know that. It's just so easy to get caught up in negativity, so so easy. It's one of humanity's biggest weaknesses, I think, how easily we absorb negativity, how hard it is for us to let go of, and how some of us fall in love with it and become melancholy. That's why I've got to rise above that, to be strong, to be one of those people that delivers hope and makes people think and smile.