mosaic.

Nov. 27th, 2013 05:26 pm
aravelle: A picture of a lamia bathing by a window, in a wooden tub. (Default)

 I don't like it when people in our own community dismiss their beliefs and experiences as "probably in my head". I'm just already insecure and skeptical as hell about my stuff as it is, and hearing one of our own -and not a dummy for that matter- say that just makes me anxious. I don't like thinking it's all in my head, because that makes me sound fucking nuts and dismissable, as if I have imaginary friends.. but non-corporeal entities are not imaginary friends to me. I cannot control what they say, I cannot tweak it. I remember when J first exposed his feelings to me, I was terrified. I didn't want anything to do with them, because I already knew I'd like him a lot and I didn't want to be one of those godspousey sort of people, with their always aching hearts. I didn't want the pain of being with someone I couldn't introduce to my friends and family; admittedly a small part of me liked the idea of a "speshul romance" but in the long run, I know myself, and it wasn't what I wanted.. but then I gave in. It was wrong to keep stringing him along, not giving him a straight answer about wanting to be with him, but something with us clicked, something that both scared me and gave me a kind of peace nothing else in this life has. I couldn't give that up, not without a fight. I knew I'd have to change some things [I really didn't want to], but I'd make it work.. and I have. In many ways he is perfect to me, and I didn't expect him to have those traits, at all.. and to say, that that's just all in my head, makes it sound like wish fulfillment manifested. I hate that.

 

A big thing that gives me faith is that E's non-corporeal beau is bi-lingual. He fluently knows and speaks  a language that she never had even heard in this life. She legitimately did not understand what he said, in that language [until she began to learn that is]. He is everything she ever wanted as well, and she was almost as skeptical as myself when they found each other. And, she's had experiences with J. My personal gnosis[es?] match almost everyone else's I talk to, but even those that don't totally still fit his character, they still make sense... so unless we've all got the same variation of the cuckoo disease, I have faith. And I never want to hear of one of our own saying what that person did, ever again.

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