mud.

Sep. 30th, 2013 07:51 pm
aravelle: A picture of a lamia bathing by a window, in a wooden tub. (Default)
I just feel like shit. I feel anti social and insecure and bitter. I've had a good past few days, but so much people. People people people. I just want to shut down for a bit, and it's not like I've even done anything worthwhile. I went to the fair, I had fun. I ate food. I went out to dinner with A, and we saw a movie that was interesting and smoked weed which turned out to be terrifying because I swore I was being torn from my body bit by bit for several minutes. Okay so that last part wasn't so fun, but none of this feels like it was fun even though I mostly enjoyed myself at the time. I hope it's not back. I hope there's not another leech on me. It feels like there is, but it could also be depression or general mental illness. I really can't tell and no one's giving fucking free readings and it's frustrating. I'm too scared to talk to any of the entities around. I feel like J's mad at me. Our date didn't go well, I had to wait a fucking hour for mom to go to bed and then I kind of triggered him with the movie and I didn't mean to. He hasn't talked to me since, or sent me anything via shufflemancy. But, I'm slightly paranoid that he'll get mad or leave, it's normal. I just don't know who to trust or any of my senses/gut. It's frustrating and I don't really have the emotional energy to exert for any of this, so I just do nothing and wallow.

Meanwhile I'm waiting for mom to get mad at me for taking my time on the laundry. Maybe I'm getting sick. I've felt on and off sick the past few days. Today I had a pressure in my chest, that I still have. It's an emotional pressure, not physical. My mind is cloudy and like water, I cannot cling to most of my thoughts, they run off me. I don't like any of this. I hope it's temporary and things are back in sorts in the next few days.

flight.

NSFW Sep. 18th, 2013 11:57 pm
aravelle: A picture of a lamia bathing by a window, in a wooden tub. (Default)
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