Jun. 12th, 2014

aravelle: A picture of a lamia bathing by a window, in a wooden tub. (Default)

 So it looks like I have another baby on the way. I don't know what to do. I can't help but feel like this is some sort of sick punishment for having vanilla sex. Seriously, this is how we conceived Penelope, was vanilla sex, and me falling asleep while travelling. Same damn thing. I haven't told J yet. I have already had two readings done and asked Mother and Spirit if I'm knocked up and they said yes so it appears to be canon. It's ironic because it was only a couple of days ago, either then or a week I was talking with E and she joked about us being pregnant at the same time. Well, she got her wish. If my reading is correct I am going to end up with another little girl.

Instead of making things on my own I think I am going to ask J if I can move in with him. Then we can work on things together. I'll have to split myself again obviously. It's just not safe for me to be on my own with a baby. With Penny in the labyrinth with E and her grandpa, she's safe. But.. I don't have another choice. I can't move in with them, the area's too small for me. I'm a hunter, I need space or I'll get cramped. Wherever J is, I am sure it is safe. I just don't think I have the time and energy to be modifying my house, not in the middle of school. I feel like I am capable of it, but won't be able to live up to my standards of motherhood. I already feel bad I didn't spoil Penny the way E does; with E she has her own ocean-room and greenhouse and interacts with other people. With me... well, she was raised a pretty mortal childhood. You know, except for the times I spazzed and shifted or there was any sort of danger. Then I scared her.

If I'm being honest with myself, I want this baby. I wanted another one. E's on her third one, and I feel cheated out of motherhood with Penny being gone for so long. I think another child could be good for me. But how will J take it? Will it be good for us? What's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander. I hope he isn't busy. He doesn't seem that bad, we've been able to meet up 2-3 times a week, certainly more than in the beginning of our relationship.  But how will he take it knowing he impregnated me accidentally again.... that could be bruising to the ego of a god. Sigh. Not like he has much ego to work with anyways.

I just hope it all works out for the better. Keep me in your prayers guys. I'm gonna need them.

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